A suggestion from Stan
Add your clerihews as comments! Raucus up the town! We’ll front page ‘em at the end of the week.
As of 8:45 pm, THURSDAY, May 29, THIRTY-SIX carefully counted new clerihew plus SIX other quatrains of high merit have appeared! Keep ‘em coming!
Thomas Thornburg introduced himself here with “Ten Clerihew and Something Else.” I’m sure I’d been aware of them at some time past, but they had slipped my mind somehow. So I ran to Wikipedia for a little clarification. I’d forgotten most of that when John Goggin sent his latest entry and I wrote back with a mild chastisement for what seemed to me a mild metrical problem. He wrote back and included the following from the Wikipedia article:
A Clerihew has the following properties:
- It is biographical and usually whimsical, showing the subject from an unusual point of view; it pokes fun at mostly famous people
- It has four lines of irregular length (for comic effect); the third and fourth lines are usually longer than the first two
- The rhyme structure is AABB; the subject matter and wording are often humorously contrived in order to achieve a rhyme
- The first line consists solely (or almost solely) of the subject’s name.
Clerihews are not satirical or abusive, but they target famous individuals and reposition them in an absurd or commonplace setting, often with an over-simplified and slightly garbled description (similar to the schoolboy style of 1066 and All That).
The unbalanced and unpolished poetic meter and line length parody the limerick, and the clerihew form also parodies the eulogy.
( Wikipedia )
So, with Thomas and John’s examples, clarity on the topic came, including the notion of unpolished meter. In case you missed those, here are two from Thornburg’s first batch:
Poor Eddie Poe
collapsed in the snow
and exhaled no more
in old Baltimore.
Poor Mary Mallon
wept o’er many a gallon
of soapsuds, avoiding
the cops, and typhoiding.
Mary Mallon, if you do not know, was also known as Typhoid Mary. Clerihew tend to be rough and loose with the feel of improvisation and to take the famous, past and present, as their subjects. Here’s one from John Goggin on a person much in the press these days with a pertinent comment on her condition.
Ms. Brittany Spears
confirms our worst fears
that fame’s but a drug.
Perhaps she just needs a big old hug.
As I suffered through a strange time last night, unable to sleep and then fixating on being unable to sleep which, as some of you will know, is a fair way to keep yourself too agitated to sleep. One of the topics I tried to distract myself long enough to fall asleep was clerihew. It backfired, of course, and pretty soon, it occurred to me that the locally famous could use a clerihew or two. Pretty soon I was composing them in my head and struggling to restrain myself from jumping up to write them down. Here’s one:
Mister Pat Ahumada
Didn’t run a Ramada
Instead he became Mayor
To the pain of many a taxpayer.
I didn’t say it was wonderful. I said it was a clerihew about a locally famous figure. One of the oddities that occurred to me about doing clerihew in the Valley was the prevalence of Spanish surnames, for which one sometimes must struggle to find an English rhyme. Try Benavides, for instance. Any luck? Of course, Mr. Charles Atkinson has a name that’s without immediately apparent rhymes.
So there it is—the challenge is to write clerihew on the locally famous. Aim high and aim low.
And have fun. Who knows? You might be at the lead of a new movement.
45 responses so far ↓
1 Patricia A // May 25, 2008 at 10:24 pm
I made a recent attempt at locally-infulenced clerihews and ran into the whole issue of Spanish surnames.
I had dropped the whole thing, but I’ll pick it up again and see what comes of it.
2 Stan // May 26, 2008 at 7:30 am
Here’s a bad example of what to do about the Spanish surname possible–follow the rhyme:
Rachel Benevidez
A fan of really tasty Pez
Quit the brownsville newspaper
And got a job as a draper.
Whatayathink?
3 Patricia A // May 26, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Here’s my attempt at a clerihew with ‘Benavidez’:
Rachel Benavidez
got her share of meanness
Now, from the Herald she is gone.
Maybe her writing she will pawn.
4 Stan // May 26, 2008 at 1:41 pm
We better let Ms. Benavidez know what’s going on here so she can protect herself and her family. A little while ago, I was putting a Fez on her uncle…..
5 Jack // May 26, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Chief Slick Willie
In closet with filly
With a gentle cigar poke
Added flavor to his smoke
6 Jack // May 26, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Sheriff Conrado Cantu
Did a favor or two
For a most evil cartel
Now he lounges in a cell
7 Stan // May 26, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Then there’s Jack King
who knows how to put a sting
in a clerihew
or two.
8 Jack // May 26, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Bible-thumping Dubya
Bow down or he’ll clubya
Declares it’s bound to please us
If we walk and talk with Jesus
9 Jack // May 26, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I am a fan
Of Stan the Man
Our philosophies sometimes diverge,
But in poetry we somehow merge
10 jgoggin // May 26, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I can’t address the Valley celebrities, but this seems germane.
Representative Tancredo
grew unreasonably afraid, so
declared inmigrantes fair game.
Whence his surname?
11 Jack // May 26, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Tyrant Saddam Hussain
Dictator of dubious fame
Slaughtered a million just for the heck
Wound up hanging by the neck
12 Jack // May 26, 2008 at 3:08 pm
The chief of police of La Grulla
Told and underage girl, “I will do ya.”
The things he did after made decent men wince
And now the chief’s seeking defense
13 Jack // May 26, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Juan Guerra wouldn’t do his job
Acted like a petulant snob.
Wouldn’t prosecute those in jail
Landed jobless on his tail.
14 Jack // May 26, 2008 at 3:34 pm
This isn’t a clerihew, but it’s four lines and it’s clever and funny. It appeared in Readers Digest about thirty years ago, and I still haven’t forgotten it.
ASTERISK
Pretty Mary donned her skates
Upon the ice to frisk.
Wasn’t she a silly girl,
Her little *.
15 jgoggin // May 26, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
instead of any personal jihad
calls on young fanatics
to execute his destabilizing tactics.
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Well, I guess there’s nothing whimsical about that. Hope it doesn’t get me killed.
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Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
likes a well-cooked piece of cod,
but failing that, will espouse a ripe
and stinking piece of tripe.
*****************************
This makes a lot more sense if you know that cod is British slang for hoax.
Interesting site: http://www.peevish.co.uk/slang/
******************************
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
once visited the Hamptons and Cape Cod,
and although he would deny it now,
bought Gucci, ate sushi, and tipped a cow.
*******************************
Ok, that’s enough. Back to work. All of you.
Lord, what hath Tom wrought?
16 jgoggin // May 26, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Ok, last one for today
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Barack Obama
once rode a llama
into the lobby of the Lima Grand Hyatt;
although his handlers today would deny it.
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Whimsical enough for ya?
17 Melissa Zamora // May 26, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Mayor Ahumada
was followed by the drama llama;
but instead of running away,
he embraced the disarray.
18 jgoggin // May 26, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Ok, just one (or two) more; I mean it.
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Osama bin Laden
was just a young sod in
his life as an Arab;
that son of a scarab.
Now Osama bin Laden
claims the hand of god’s in
his spelunking videos;
we’ll just see far how that stupid silliness goes.
19 Patricia A // May 26, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Mayor Ahumada
was followed by the drama llama
Now I have a very literal picture in my head, and it’s a very funny picture.
20 Patricia A // May 26, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Carlos Cisneros
could be at Stilettos,
could be at Walmart, could be at home,
and at his desk, there’s a mustached wooden gnome.
21 The Merovingian // May 26, 2008 at 11:59 pm
The politicos around our towns
are better robed as clowns
Was that a pearl of wisdom spit out in a rush?
It rather seemed to be the sound of a toilet flush
22 The Merovingian // May 27, 2008 at 12:06 am
The City Commission
On the verge of nuclear fission
But what’s the use of Robert’s rules
When trying to pilot this Ship of Fools?
23 Stan // May 27, 2008 at 12:14 am
Mero,
You gotta start with the name, the name, then rhyme it, then add the kicker.
You only get half-credit for these.
-stan
24 Melissa Zamora // May 27, 2008 at 10:06 am
and at his desk, there’s a mustached wooden gnome.
I almost pee-ed my pants.
25 Melissa Zamora // May 27, 2008 at 10:07 am
OMG. I’m still laughing. Mustached Wooden Knome. LOL.
26 Patricia A // May 27, 2008 at 10:54 am
Stan,
Should I resubmit my Hernandez and Ahumada clerihew through the Comments, or, are you still going to have a seperate post for local clerihews?
27 Stan // May 27, 2008 at 11:32 am
Here are actually the two earliest contributions, from Patricia A, which came in by email before I put up the note to add by comment.
My apologies to Ms. A for the delay.
Ernie Hernandez
should try to understand this:
Thrice he’s lost the Mayor’s race,
and next time we’ll ward him off with mace.
Pat M Ahumada
declared an intifada
against the whole Commission,
who now derails his every mission.
Patricia A.
28 Melissa Zamora // May 27, 2008 at 1:02 pm
You rock, Patricia.
29 Jack // May 27, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Suicide bombers in turbans
Anticipating those virgins
Intelligence goes down a notch
When thinking happens in the crotch
30 Rio Grande V // May 27, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I actually pee-ed reading Jack’s latest work. He deserves full credit (no half credit) for that one.
Oh, and Mrs. Zamora, who is the drama llama you speak of?
Agreed, Ms. Patrica A. does rock!
V
31 Stan // May 27, 2008 at 4:44 pm
A gentle reminder, my friends, that clerihew begin with the name, the full name, in some form, of a person known and famous at some level. Descriptive appelations, while often clever, are not names and the results are not clerihew. Perhaps next week, we shall have a new feature that focuses on clever quatrains. I’d be up for it. And Jack sent me some lines from the Rubaiyat of Omar Kahyyam. Perhaps it would be well to write a new Rubaiyat taking into account the advances of modernity. I could well see us having a contest over that kind of project.
Still, in all, we’ve had an amazing thing happen here. Keep those cards and letters coming!
–stan
32 Stan // May 27, 2008 at 4:46 pm
***************************************
Dear old Omar Kahyam
Didn’t need to say, “I am”
for people to recognize his verse;
He’d mastered the terse
***************************************
33 Jack // May 27, 2008 at 6:03 pm
Omar Kayyam was a hoot
The grape was his favorite fruit
Not ever from fresh off the vine
But fermented and turned into to wine
34 Jack // May 27, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Kayyam was a mathematician
And a truly gifted logician
Found the nth root of Pi in the blink of an eye,
Smashed theories that weren’t consistent
Oops, I think that was a limerick. How about this:
Kayyam loved the mysteries of life,
Wrote truths that cut like a knife.
Made game of wise men and gods
Chewed dogmas to spittle-soaked wads.
Omar drove the mullahs rabid,
Didn’t praise the great Muhammad
The mosque had no distinct appeal
The tavern wine — now that was real.
35 Jack // May 27, 2008 at 9:18 pm
For those who don’t know, Rubaiyat is the plural of Rubaiyai (or Rubaiyay, depending on what reference you consult), a Persian four-line stanza (quatrain) with an aaba rhyme scheme (all lines rhyme except the third). Here’s an example from Kayyam’s work:
The moving finger writes and having writ
Moves on; nor all your piety nor wit
Can call it back to cancel half a line
Nor all your tears wash out a line of it.
I do hope that Stan decides to sponsor that contest to write some modern verses in this style.
36 Jack // May 27, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I neglected to mention that Omar wrote in the twelfth century and was translated into English by Edward Fitzgerald in 1859, the same year that Darwin published The Origin of Species.
37 jgoggin // May 27, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Reckless Youth and Aged Folly
****************************
General George Armstrong Custer,
despite all the forces he could muster,
foolishly let the Cheyenne and Lakotas
fetch his scalp back for display in the Dakotas.
**************************************
How Pete Doherty
achieved majority
is a mystery to many,
and I’ll bet he hasn’t saved a penny.
***************************************
Chanteuse Amy Winehouse,
an extraordinarily fine souse,
became an icon of irony.
Let that be a lesson to you. And me.
***************************************
When George W. Bush
had shove come to push,
he gave up youthful fatuity
for that of his maturity.
***************************************
Senator Wilbur Mills,
authored many major bills.
Sadly, when remembered now at all,
it’s for how Fanne Foxe occasioned his fall.
**************************************
38 The Merovingian // May 28, 2008 at 1:06 am
James Dannenbaum
Grabbing grease for his palm
He floated out with the tide
with 21 million to hide
39 Stan // May 29, 2008 at 8:31 pm
****************************
Our pal Scottie McClellan
Ain’t just been chillin’
He’s givin’ Bush the hook
With that new book.
****************************
40 Stan // May 29, 2008 at 8:37 pm
*******************************
Poor George Walker Bush
Got another boot in the tush
The guy in the book booth
Says the Pres’ doesn’t tell the truth.
********************************
41 Kathy // May 29, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Past chum Scotty McClellan
Back in Texas dwellin’,
Outs cozy Bushies as bad
Which tut-tutting Dana calls “puzzling” and “sad.”
42 Stan // May 29, 2008 at 8:48 pm
And, by the Mero!
You’ve mastered it! The Dannenbaum piece is plus quam perfectum!
43 Brenda // May 30, 2008 at 12:01 am
Outside now Scott McClellan
publishes the deception
his dismay, his disillusion
speaking from the White House podium
***
Martha Stewart living
perfection seeking
her glossed pages of to dos
filled with too many rules
44 Brenda // May 30, 2008 at 12:10 am
The Clerihews remind me of the Calaveras popular around Dia de los Muertos/Day of the Dead - Nov. 2. Calaveras are short poems in the style of humorous epitaphs for friends or well known personalities who are still alive.
Here is one of my attempts:
Para los amigos sin nombre
es mejor que cubran los oídos.
A las escondidas vivieron en costumbre,
nunca expresando la alma y su corazón.
Sepultados bajo la tierra
siguen a las escondidas
con historias que pasan sin contar,
vidas ya desaparecidas.
English translation….
For my friends who shall remain nameless
it’s best you cover your ears.
By custom you lived in hiding
never expressing your soul or your heart
Buried under the earth
you continue in hiding
with untold stories,
lives now disappear.
45 Stan // May 30, 2008 at 12:24 am
Brenda,
I like the Calveras quite a bit. I think we should have a round of them in October.
Clerihews have an AABB rhyme scheme though, and for a comic form, which mainly they are, near and far rhymes don’t work well. To-dos and rules are pretty far apart. Usually, I’m composing them out loud and hear the rhyme.
They’re great ways to deprive yourself of sleep, though. I guess that’s a downside. More than once I’ve jumped up to jot a couple down before they disappear.
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