A recompilation

Edmund Clerihew Bentley
Eschewed writing verses stately
Instead his preferred art
Was something like a verbal fart.

It’s Friday and, as promised I’m bringing our many many entries up to the front page for a brief dash in the sun. I’m also categorizing them several different ways, but mainly by the subject matter. Recall that clerihew by definition are about a person–the first line is the subject’s name in some form or other–so the first categories have to do with their level of fame: Local or National Politics, so those are natural categories. The first examples we had, from Thomas Thornburg were about Literary and Historical figures, another couple of categories. And, because of the excesses of some of us, I’m adding a category for Celebrity and yet another, called Others, for non-clerihewvian entries, i.e., those which did not begin with a name or failed at the rhyme scheme, AABB. Clear enough? There were forty-two responses, all in all. We look forward to additional contributions (and possible argument about classifications) in the comments. So what do you say? Rubaiyat re-writes next week or limericks?

Local Politics-Eight clerihew! Most Prolific: Patricia A!

Stan May 26, 2008 at 7:30 am

Rachel Benevidez
A fan of really tasty Pez
Quit the brownsville newspaper
And got a job as a draper.

Patricia A May 26, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Rachel Benavidez
got her share of meanness
Now, from the Herald she is gone.
Maybe her writing she will pawn.

Stan May 26, 2008 at 2:06 pm

Then there’s Jack King
who knows how to put a sting
in a clerihew
or two.

Melissa Zamora May 26, 2008 at 5:50 pm

Mayor Ahumada
was followed by the drama llama;
but instead of running away,
he embraced the disarray.

Patricia A May 26, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Carlos Cisneros
could be at Stilettos,
could be at Walmart, could be at home,
and at his desk, there’s a mustached wooden gnome.

Ernie Hernandez
should try to understand this:
Thrice he’s lost the Mayor’s race,
and next time we’ll ward him off with mace.

Pat M Ahumada
declared an intifada
against the whole Commission,
who now derails his every mission.

The Merovingian May 28, 2008 at 1:06 am

James Dannenbaum
Grabbing grease for his palm
He floated out with the tide
with 21 million to hide

National/World Politics-Nineteen Clerihew! Most Prolific: John Goggin!

Jack May 26, 2008 at 1:56 pm

Chief Slick Willie
In closet with filly
With a gentle cigar poke
Added flavor to his smoke

Jack May 26, 2008 at 2:22 pm

Bible-thumping Dubya
Bow down or he’ll clubya
Declares it’s bound to please us
If we walk and talk with Jesus

jgoggin May 26, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Representative Tancredo
grew unreasonably afraid, so
declared inmigrantes fair game.
Whence his surname?

Jack May 26, 2008 at 2:55 pm

Tyrant Saddam Hussain
Dictator of dubious fame
Slaughtered a million just for the heck
Wound up hanging by the neck

jgoggin May 26, 2008 at 3:57 pm

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
instead of any personal jihad
calls on young fanatics
to execute his destabilizing tactics.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
likes a well-cooked piece of cod,
but failing that, will espouse a ripe
and stinking piece of tripe.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
once visited the Hamptons and Cape Cod,
and although he would deny it now,
bought Gucci, ate sushi, and tipped a cow.

Barack Obama
once rode a llama
into the lobby of the Lima Grand Hyatt;
although his handlers today would deny it.

Osama bin Laden
was just a young sod in
his life as an Arab;
that son of a scarab.

Now Osama bin Laden
claims the hand of god’s in
his spelunking videos;
we’ll just see far how that stupid silliness goes.

When George W. Bush
had shove come to push,
he gave up youthful fatuity
for that of his maturity.

jgoggin May 27, 2008 at 10:45 pm

Reckless Youth and Aged Folly

How Pete Doherty
achieved majority
is a mystery to many,
and I’ll bet he hasn’t saved a penny.

Senator Wilbur Mills,
authored many major bills.
Sadly, when remembered now at all,
it’s for how Fanne Foxe occasioned his fall.
Stan // May 29, 2008 at 8:31 pm

Poor George Walker Bush
Got another boot in the tush
The guy in the book booth
Says the Pres’ doesn’t tell the truth.

Our pal Scottie McClellan
Ain’t just been chillin’
He’s givin’ Bush the hook
With that new book.

Kathy May 29, 2008 at 8:46 pm

Past chum Scotty McClellan
Back in Texas dwellin’,
Outs cozy Bushies as bad
Which tut-tutting Dana calls “puzzling” and “sad.”

Brenda May 30, 2008 at 12:01 am

Outside now Scott McClellan
publishes the deception
his dismay, his disillusion
speaking from the White House podium

***

Martha Stewart living
perfection seeking
her glossed pages of to dos
filled with too many rules

Literary-One Clerihew! Most Prolific: Stan!

Stan May 27, 2008 at 4:46 pm

Dear old Omar Kahyam
Didn’t need to say, “I am”
for people to recognize his verse;
He’d mastered the terse.

Historical-One Clerihew! Most Prolific: John Goggin!

jgoggin May 27, 2008 at 10:45 pm

General George Armstrong Custer,
despite all the forces he could muster,
foolishly let the Cheyenne and Lakotas
fetch his scalp back for display in the Dakotas.

Celebrity-One Clerihew! Most Prolific: John Goggin!

jgoggin May 27, 2008 at 10:45 pm

Chanteuse Amy Winehouse,
an extraordinarily fine souse,
became an icon of irony.
Let that be a lesson to you. And me.

Others-Twelve examples! Most Prolific: Jack King!

Jack May 26, 2008 at 2:37 pm

I am a fan
Of Stan the Man
Our philosophies sometimes diverge,
But in poetry we somehow merge

Jack May 26, 2008 at 3:08 pm

The chief of police of La Grulla
Told and underage girl, “I will do ya.”
The things he did after made decent men wince
And now the chief’s seeking defense

Jack May 26, 2008 at 3:24 pm

Juan Guerra wouldn’t do his job
Acted like a petulant snob.
Wouldn’t prosecute those in jail
Landed jobless on his tail.

Jack May 26, 2008 at 3:34 pm

ASTERISK

Pretty Mary donned her skates
Upon the ice to frisk.
Wasn’t she a silly girl,
Her little *.

The Merovingian May 26, 2008 at 11:59 pm

The politicos around our towns
are better robed as clowns
Was that a pearl of wisdom spit out in a rush?
It rather seemed to be the sound of a toilet flush

The City Commission
On the verge of nuclear fission
But what’s the use of Robert’s rules
When trying to pilot this Ship of Fools?

Jack May 27, 2008 at 3:42 pm

Suicide bombers in turbans
Anticipating those virgins
Intelligence goes down a notch
When thinking happens in the crotch

Jack // May 27, 2008 at 6:03 pm

Omar Kayyam was a hoot
The grape was his favorite fruit
Not ever from fresh off the vine
But fermented and turned into to wine

Jack May 27, 2008 at 8:13 pm

Kayyam was a mathematician
And a truly gifted logician
Found the nth root of Pi in the blink of an eye,
Smashed theories that weren’t consistent

Oops, I think that was a limerick. How about this:

Kayyam loved the mysteries of life,
Wrote truths that cut like a knife.
Made game of wise men and gods
Chewed dogmas to spittle-soaked wads.

Omar drove the mullahs rabid,
Didn’t praise the great Muhammad
The mosque had no distinct appeal
The tavern wine — now that was real.

Jack May 27, 2008 at 9:18 pm

For those who don’t know, Rubaiyat is the plural of Rubaiyai (or Rubaiyay, depending on what reference you consult), a Persian four-line stanza (quatrain) with an aaba rhyme scheme (all lines rhyme except the third). Here’s an example from Kayyam’s work:

The moving finger writes and having writ
Moves on; nor all your piety nor wit
Can call it back to cancel half a line
Nor all your tears wash out a line of it.

I do hope that Stan decides to sponsor that contest to write some modern verses in this style.

Jack May 27, 2008 at 9:20 pm

I neglected to mention that Omar wrote in the twelfth century and was translated into English by Edward Fitzgerald in 1859, the same year that Darwin published The Origin of Species.